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I miss you.

I still think about you every day.
Love
Me

its been awhile

Hi,
It has been a long ass time. I think of you often (I have the flutterby in my car still and it watches over me as I drive...) and miss you. I didn't make it to Chris and Mark's holiday party this year, but hopefully next year.
Thanks for being there for me babe...you know when I need it and it means a lot to me that you're still here for me.
Always,
Me

I don't have a title for you today.

Hi Sweetie.
Nope. No mean things today. I'm all about the love. Fucker. There you go. Last weekend was Matt's bday, which I'm sure you knew. I know you were there with us (I felt the slap on my ass when no one was looking ;) ) We were all out of hand. You'd be sooo proud! (There are pictures that I don't even remember being taken that night. Damn I looked good. Drunk, but good.)

Matt's girlfriend Erica is a good girl. I like her a lot for him. She makes him SO damn happy its giving me a cavity. He deserves it. I've never really approved of any of his girls at least not for anything more than comic relief for me...but this one I do. If you had a hand it it, thank you! (From me as much as Matt.)

I wanted to thank you from me too. I kind of met someone. (Which I'm sure you know...I mean you see EVERYTHING!) I don't know that anything will happen with him, actually, I'd be suprised if it did...but thanks for showing me that the connection is possible again and letting me have it - if only for that one night - He's a nice guy. I hope at the very least we can be friends. It came up early in the night why I was single and I told him about after losing you the first time and then you passing, I wasn't ready to be let my guard down for anyone else. He asked what happened and I told him how you were sick from the get go... he told me it takes a lot of heart to get involved when you know there isn't a future. I told him that you rarely get to choose who you fall for. It just happens. What I didn't tell him is that you will always be part of my future. I know that we talk every day and you laugh at the stupid shit I do, but I miss you. Part of me is looking to move to NYC for work and to be closer to Matt and Anthony (and Leydi and Meg...) part of me is looking to go for no better reason than its just time to move on from Albany. What do you think?

I was thinking of your nephews tonight...they are great kids and Chris and Mark have their hands full. You wouldn't want it any other way.

I'll be looking for you in my dreams tonight. Please be there... I need to talk. Matt can only convince me of so much.

I don't need to tell you that I love you and miss you...I'll tell you in my dreams.

Happy Bday!

Happy Birthday you little shit.

I miss you.

You'd be proud of me. Friday night I went out and got a little out of hand. Happy out of hand. My friends were excited because they haven't seen me like that in so long. It felt good. I had some drinks for you too don't worry.

I think I miss the week leading up to your birthday more than I miss the hangover afterwards and greasy food with you to make it go away. You always had some great requests.

Next weekend we will be celebrating Matt's bday. Drunkenly in style getting a little out of hand. Its going to make my liver hate me.

You'll be there right?

Love you kid. Keep it real.

tomorrow is a year...

i dont cry
- anymore -
when i think about you
i dont wake up
- gasping -
when i dream of you,
its been a year now and sometimes it hurts so bad
i want to cry
but i wont
- i take comfort -
in the sound of your laugh,
when i do something stupid
the sound of your breathing,
when im half awake
the way youre still here
- with us -
every day in so many ways...
i think of you
when im making those tough calls
yes or no or maybe so
ask what you would do
and i trust what you tell me
and always will.
i miss you,
i love you,
that spot in my heart will always be yours
111381-092704
Lance

J to the ER to the muthafuckin OME

On one of those great days when I belled...I had the pleasure of witnessing the following:

Ring Ring Ring-
Jen G: "Lance could you get that? LANCE GET THE PHONE."
Lance: "No, I can't obviously you can't see that my name is Jerome."
Jen G: "LANCE GET THE PHONE"
Lance: "FINE!"
Lance: "Hello, Circuit City, how may I help you? (Pause)No m'am there is a mandatory 15% restocking fee for all computer related merchandise. (Pause) Yes m'am, I understand you spent $3699 plus tax on the lap top, that's not my fault that you got a piece of crap. (Pause) Yes I understand that's a lot of money. No M'am, there are no exceptions, that's what mandatory means. Yes you have to get another one. No, I can't recomend one...Fine, I recomend you don't get one here. (Pause) Yes, m'am, you can have my name. My Name is Jerome. It's spelled J-E-R-O-M-E, no I can not give you my last name, that's against company policy. I can give you my id number? 867530"

(Now keep in mind that I heard all of this and am totally lauging my ass off at the fact that hes being a dick, that he referenced the Jenny song...and just cause he always made me laugh in general.)

two hours after his shift ends...Different manager on duty...
Irate lady from Phone: stomps up to the CSA desk "I DEMAND TO SEE JEROME."
Kristin: "M'am there is no Jerome who works here."
Irate Lady from Phone: "NO THERE IS, I TALKED TO HIM 2 HOURS AGO."
Kristin (getting angry that she's being yelled at): "I'm very sorry m'am, we don't have a Jerome who works here."
Irate Lady from Phone: "YES YOU DO. HES RUDE AND BLACK."
Kristen walks away and comes back with the store schedule in hand. Throwing it at Irate Lady, she yells at her "THERE IS THE STORE SCHEDULE, THERE IS NO JEROME ON IT."

Irate lady gets mad and leaves the store and I come around the corner and ask Kristin what was going on. Shes all pissy about crazy people being assholes and I ask her what happened so she tells me about how Irate lady was insisting that Jerome was being rude to her and wouldn't help her and I start to laugh...

Now she's mad that I'm laughing at her, so I tell her "Duh, Kristin, it was Lance being an ass."

Then it was all ok. Like the fact that it was him was the magical serum to erase all wrongs...works for me too.

Jerome was the side of Lance who didn't care what others thought and who would do whatever he wanted to amuse himself and others. He was so bored all of the time that he often amused himself at the expense of an innocent bystander...But it was to make everyeone else smile so I'm ok with it. Jerome did lots and lots to get in trouble. He also had the greatest laugh...his whole body laughed...including his eyes. You knew it was a good one when he started coughing till he couldn't breath. That's when you knew you had him.

Do you have a Jerome story? Well, don't just stand there! Share it with the rest of us...

Random piece of trivia I learned a few months before Lance left us...



His Dad's name is Jerome. (For those of you who don't know, Lance's dad passed away when he was like 12.) I guess we all carry something of those who we love in our hearts...or in his case - right over it.

Miss you babe. Matt's having a hard time these days. Would you send him some of the mental hugs you usually send me? There are times that I can't be there for Matt cause of work or whatever...keep an eye on him when I can't and we will take care of each other, don't you worry.

Oompa Loompa's send their regards.

XOXOXO,
Cour